Today was my first p-day. We spent an hour doing email and I did some laundry and we went to Puerto and ate lunch with Elders Owen, Roberts, Paterson, and Rodriguez. It was Elder Owen’s birthday, so we ate at McDonald's and had ice cream cones. Elder Owen is my DL [district leader] and Elder Rodriguez is my ZL [zone leader]. I like both of them a lot. Elder Rodriguez is from Madrid, so I'm forced to speak Spanish to him. It's hard, but like everyone else, he's patient.

First Zone Conference

Today we had Zone Conference in Puerto De La Cruz. I really like President and Sister Prieto. They are very patient. I don't understand much of what they say, but again, they have good spirits. :-) I cried in my entrevista con él [interview with him]. I was so frustrated because I didn't understand the language and I didn't know anyone and I was overwhelmed and...and…

First Sunday in the Islands

Today's Sacrament meeting was rather unintelligible. From the whole meeting, I caught the prayers (Sacrament and opening/closing) and a few words - very few. Sunday school was all right. Jenny (from England - married to José Manuel) gave the lesson. She has a British accent, so I can understand her pretty well. But then in Relief Society, yo entendí NADA [I understood NOTHING]. Yikes. It was nice to meet the ward and feel of their Spirits since I didn't get anything else out of the meetings. It's a good thing I have a testimony. I also got to know Hermanas Van Leuven and Costley. They came over to eat dinner and to take us to a guy they had contacted in our area. They are great!

Hermana VanLeuven and I

First Full Day as a missionary in La Orotava

Hermana Garcia on one of the many hills we hiked up all the time

We woke up on time, had companionship study and personal study and set off at 10 a.m.(later then the standard 9:30 a.m. to give us time to study Spanish). We hiked up this grande [huge] hill to go see Annie, a nice Cuban lady with a young daughter. I felt very tired and looked it. Annie commented on it, I felt silly, but I literally could not keep my eyes open.

 Annie and Evelyn

Then we went to visit a few members and a nice old lady named Manuela who made us lunch. She had a very dirty house with spider webs, dirty dishes, no running water. She made us omelets - called tortillas. They tasted pretty good, but the thought of all the dirt and gross that were in them made me want to gag. 

Manuela and I on my very last dinner appointment before I left La Orotava. She had a heart of gold. She loved the missionaries so much. I grew to really love her during my time there.

We went back to our piso and I slept for two hours, no problem. Then we went to a few other houses - a Cuban family who couldn't accept the Book of Mormon. Again, I testified boldly, but I had such a hard time expressing myself and understanding that it was probably less effective. Maybe not. Pilar and Elisa gave us bananas today and I put them in my bag and they got all over my charlas and verb book, etc. Overall, I had a good time today. I'm not stressing out over the language yet. I don't understand anything. I just smile and nod. I have faith that I'll learn more and understand more each day.

 Pilar and Elisa, who gave me the bananas that squished all over my bag

From Madrid to Las Palmas to La Orotava

The flight from Madrid to Las Palmas was the worst ever. I was finally tired and wanted to sleep, but planes are never comfortable. Plus we sat right in front of the smoking section, so I felt sick to my stomach, so I moved to a seat closer to the front. I finally slept a little bit. While I was sleeping, they brought us our lunch and the guy sitting next to me ate my bread! It was kind of funny. It was a sick meal, anyway.

When we got to Las Palmas, I was again greeted with a sweet stench of cigarette smoke. We went to get our luggage and then went to meet President and Sister Prieto and Elders Reber and Schank (the APs) [Assistants to the President]. They were very hospitable and friendly. We went to the president's casa - very big and modern. It had carpet - they told us that's a rarity. They gave us a descanso [rest], to shower and sleep, then I had an interview with President. I was assigned to La Orotava on the island of Tenerife to be trained by Hermana Garcia from El Paso, Texas. Then I went back to my room and slept until Hermana Eastman woke me up for the meeting downstairs with APs, financial people, Etc. I was in deep sleep, my head was heavy and my hands were shaky and weird like when you just barely wake up and they asked me to play the piano. Yikes. I made a lot of mistakes, but está bien.

We had a short meeting and then ate dinner made by Hermana Prieto - YUM. We had rice and chicken (a Canarian dish) [it was likely paella], a cold seafood and potato salad, carne with eggs and plums (an Argentine dish) and pan [bread]. I was starved, but it was still really tasty.

[April 9, 1998] I slept very well that night and woke up at a very faithful hour of 6:.....45 am. My alarm went off at 6:30 and I didn't wake up enough to realize that meant it was time to get out of bed - I was wiped! We ate generic Spain cold cereal, box milk and zumo [juice] and toast for breakfast. It was different, but very good.

We went down to the mission office where I sat for several hours, amazed and unimpressed at the lack of enthusiasm of some missionaries. I want to be focused and optimistic until the very end. I did pretty well in the MTC and although that's a totally different excitement/transition than it will be coming home, I want to stay focused! Or rather, become focused and then stay that way. I don't feel excitement for the work like I need to have yet. I loved the MTC. It took a few weeks to feel that way but it happened and I want it to happen here. I pray that my energy and enthusiasm will increase and I know God wants me to be enthusiastic to knock doors and work hard. I have faith this will happen - now patience must carry me until I am truly in love with Spanish, with the Canary Islands and hard, honest work.

We went to the jetfoil at 4 pm. I had cramps and I couldn't find my ibuprofen. [I finally did find it, asked for water to take it, and they gave me “agua con gas” (carbonated) and it made me feel more sick!] Then we sat in the smoking section by accident. We had just eaten “Telepizza” [nasty Spanish version of pizza--it made me sick every time I ate it on my mission] at the mission office - different. Everyone says it's the best pizza in Spain. Whoa! No me gusta the pepperoni. So everything combined with the motion of the boat, I felt really sick. I moved forward to get rid of the smoke sickness and sat next to an atheist. It was hard to communicate with him, but I bore my testimony to him as powerfully as I could and finally the long trip of only 1 ½ hours was over. Then I got off and met Hermana Garcia, my new companion. We got my luggage and ran to catch a taxi - my first taxi ride - not too special. Then we went to catch the bus to La Orotava (we were in Santa Cruz). I felt ILL nigh unto death, but sweetly smiled as Hermana Garcia explained to me how nice all the members are. We spent the evening unpacking and I went to bed early.

From Salt Lake City to Madrid

I went to bed at 12:15 a.m. this morning after packing. I was totally tired, but I didn't get to sleep for probably half an hour. Then Hermana Eastman and I woke up at 3 a.m. to go see our elders off, but they wouldn't let us go see them. Then we packed and cleaned until 5 a.m. and then we went to get ready to go.

We got our plane tickets, put our luggage on the buses and drove to Salt Lake. Right as I stepped off the bus, Jaim, Jordan, Carrie, and Aunt Karen were waiting there for me. We got my ticket and we're walking down to my terminal, when I saw Markus, Crystal and Kit. When I got down to the terminal waiting area, Grandpa, Aunt Joy, Rochelle, and Marla were there.

Then I saw Todd's mom walk by and she said they had something for me. Then I looked over and saw Todd walking toward me, smiling. As he stepped up to me, he started crying. We embraced and he gave me a Kleenex. I didn't cry right then. I just felt NUMB - apathetic, excited, scared, nervous, a little sad. So we went and sat down and chatted. Todd's mobility and speech are excellent. His voice is still a little weird and I don't know if his brain is completely healed yet, but he's a miracle. I know he's been blessed. I had kind of a weird feeling sitting next to him. I couldn't describe it. Kind of yucky, but I just don't know why. Because I never felt that way at the hospital or before the accident.

It was awesome seeing Markus. It was kind of a trip - a blast from the past. Evan showed up late - 20 minutes before my plane left. I'm glad I got to see him. He took several pictures and brought me Post-it notes for my charlas. Jaim and Markus gave me letters. Joy gave me a package with chocolates, paper, money and games to play on the plane. It was cool. I got a little scared and choked up right before I stepped on the plane.

 

On the flight to St Louis, I BRT’d a lady named Laurie from Salt Lake. She has had a lot of contact with the church and has a good opinion of Latter-day Saints, but she was very set in her Catholic ways. She is a vice president of a huge corporation and was very classy and business-like. It was cool. She said she will think about me for a year.

 

 You can see the Twin Towers in the distance in this photo. 

This was about 3 1/2 years before they came down.

On the flight to New York, I gave a book of Mormon to Dan, who is a single man from Tennessee? Kentucky? South Carolina? He loves Native American culture and promised to read it.

The flight to Madrid was in a gigantic airplane, the biggest I'd seen up to that point in my life. 

Elder Rueckert is right in the middle.

On the flight to Madrid, I slept only half an hour maybe, making two nights of no sleep. I had no one sitting next to me, so I wrote letters to Todd and Markus. I felt really homesick and scared about halfway and cried, using Todd's Kleenex. It was really weird. I just got really emotional. We landed in Madrid, 20 minutes before our plane to Las Palmas left. We busted through customs and ran down the airport with all of our stuff - probably a mile. It's a very big, really nice airport. We missed our plane to Las Palmas, so we got another flight for 3 hours later.

Hermana Chelson and Wilson left today. I was really sad to see them go. Especially Hermana Wilson. We had a good talk the other night and I just love her. I really grew close to her. We woke up at 5 a.m. to see Hermana Chelson and then Hermana Wilson left at 10 a.m.

 The four of us posing in the shower. ... ?

 MTC Angels

This morning I got up at the insanely grumpy hour of 4:10 a.m. to get ready to go to Los Angeles. We caught a plane to LA from Salt Lake where we met brother Horton, a high counselor in LA. He took us to the Spain Consulate to get our visas - a total of 20 minutes or so. Then we went to the LA Temple to take pictures, then we went to In and Out Burger by LAX. We got back to the airport around 11 a.m. CA time and Steve Eyre showed up for about 1 ½ hours or so and we had a good chat. I thought that was kind of him to come to see me. Our flight was one hour late. Flying home, I sat with Hermana Eastman and Elder Paul. He was fun to talk to. On the way over we sat in the seats that face each other. There were five missionaries and one other man, so we proceeded to BRT (Build Relationships of Trust) him. He didn't tell us for 20 to 30 minutes that he was actually a member of the church. He was very nice, though. He even let me give him the 1st two principles of the 2nd charla. It was good practice. He had reasonable doubts and even helped me resolve them.

 Hermana Eastman and I at the Spanish consulate

 The whole group of Spain-bound missionaries who went to get their visas

  

Sitting in front of the temple

 My cousin Steve Eyre came to see me at the airport

 Elder Paul, and Hermana Eastman and I sat together on the flight home

I am so excited to go to Spain! Tomorrow I go to Los Angeles to get my Visa.

Two Months at the MTC

There are ten whole days until I leave for Spain. I'm excited and scared and happy and sad. I will miss my teachers and district like crazy. I like the comfort of being in a familiar place with people I know. Just thinking about Spain gets me excited. I'm not excited for the first few months of adjustment, though. I know it will be hard and I'm trying to brace myself for that, but I just want to love it immediately and enjoy myself 100% for the next 16 months. I'm aware of the change that I've seen in myself and other district members the last 2 months, and I know it's because it was hard that we were able to learn, but I hate hard things. They scare me. I need to adjust my attitude so that I feel excited by a challenge, but I'm not right now. I'm scared. My Sharing the Gospel teacher (Brother Bott-BYU) told us that when we're discouraged to write an upbeat letter to someone and then save it and read it. Well, I'm not discouraged today, but I'm in the mood to write, so I'll write one to myself now and see if I like it in a few months.

Dear Hermana Simper:
What an experience it's been so far. I've only been in the MTC for 2 months and I've learned so much! I’ve felt almost every emotion: excitement, uncertainty, fear, doubt, depression, hope, the Spirit, reassurance, loneliness, frustration, love, pride, peace, happy, content, failure, success, boredom, energy, enthusiasm, understanding, friendship, sympathy, faith, missionary highs and lows. When I've had hard times, it's helped me to say to myself, “These are temporary and normal feelings I'm having. Do I feel this way because I've offended God, or is this a test to help me grow?” If I'm sincerely striving for the companionship of the Holy Ghost, I need to look the challenge in the eye and challenge it to a duel. Then with all sincerity and humility, pray and ask Heavenly Father to give me strength to get through the afflictions I'm experiencing. (Alma 31:31, 17:11, 26:27) Alma 31:31 talks about asking God to grant you strength to bear afflictions and 26:27 talks about how it's tempting to turn back and quit. I have felt as if my afflictions and depression would never end and I wanted to quit many, many times. I think I spent the first 3-5 weeks trying to figure out how to get out of this place. I truly hated it here. But I can honestly say now that I love the MTC and have learned so much that I never could have learned if I hadn't come. I would feel cheated if for some reason I couldn't go on my mission at this point. I want to serve with all my heart and I want to come home with honor, unashamed, having fought a good fight.

 It snowed while I was at the MTC. This was a P-day, on the way back from starting laundry.

 This guy worked in the cafeteria. We called him the cafeteria Nazi because he would demand your order long before you got to the front of the line, helping the food lines go quickly.

 This was another friend from BYU, but I can't remember his name.

Today we went to the temple. It was a sign language session. It was kind of cool, because I learned a little about how they handle special circumstances in the temple. There was also a man who was in a wheelchair in our session, so I saw more of how they handle things. But I wouldn't choose to have ASL sessions again, because I found myself rather distracted by all the extra stuff. It became apparent to me how the Lord works with disabilities, to a small degree. He loves all and wants everyone to enjoy the blessings of the temple. You do whatever you can with your best effort and you'll be blessed.

I asked my mom to buy scriptures for Hermana Eastman and they were received today. She was surprised and grateful and confused. It was pretty cool.

Hermana Eastman and I in the field between the temple and the MTC.

Funny story first: the Elders all have a joke where they take a wet paper towel and throw it up at the ceiling so it sticks and then it falls on someone on the toilet. We all thought they were so silly until the other day I threw one in Hermana Chelson's shower, but it missed and hit the bar and just hung. Tonight, Hermana Chelson threw one into Hermana Eastman's baño - successful aim - Yahoo! The things you do for fun at the MTC.

 Elder Stoddard, Elder Tanner, Hermano Roche, and the Elder I can't remember his name

The first five or so weeks at the MTC, my eyes were completely dry. I had emotions high and low, but my tear factories were un-used, un-involved, Etc. But in the last 4 days: Saturday, I cried because I was so frustrated and homesick and unfocused - in mi entrevista con Hermano Shadle. Monday, I cried to Dan Stevenson because I was so happy about Todd. Tonight, (Tuesday) we had district meeting after a great devotional by John B. Dickson of the 1st Quorum of the Seventy. We started the meeting just normal with DyC 4, business, Etc. We talked about the devotional and Elder Tanner asked us a few questions about what it meant to be missionaries. And he said something about how we pray to our Father in Heaven in Jesus Christ's name, but we never talk directly to Jesus Christ. Then he said we had 15 minutes to write a letter to our elder brother Jesus Christ. Truthfully, I thought it was somewhat cheesy at first and I thought it would be really easy to whip out a letter. I tried to imagine how I would really feel if Jesus Christ were in my presence and what I would say to Him. It was so hard! I felt so humbled and unworthy to have any association with this man. Words to hymns kept coming to my mind “Praise God, from whom all blessings flow” and “Come, thou fount of every blessing.” At the devotional, I sang in the choir and we sang that hymn. At the end, it says “here’s my heart, Lord, take and seal it. Seal it for the courts above.” I wrote that line in my letter, I was really touched by it. Others in my district were crying and I joined them. Then we bore our testimonies about the Savior and sang “I Need Thee Every Hour.” It was a very emotional and powerful experience for our district.

Hermana Eastman is still feeling poorly, but she felt well enough to go to class. We got there late because we went to get her a doctor's appointment. I had only been there maybe 15 to 20 minutes when Dan Stevenson came in and asked Hermano Shadle if he could talk to me. I was a bit nervous if it would be happy or sad news, but Dan was smiling, so I felt more calm. He asked how I was doing and then told me he had been to see Todd and that Todd was talking and starting to walk and he gets to come home from the hospital on April 3rd. When he started telling me these things, I just started crying - surprise, surprise - Welcome to Hermana Emotional’s life. I was elated to hear about Todd. But the main reason he came was to find out my flight info - so that Todd can come to the airport - yahoo! Then he told me to try and focus (ha!) and left. Oh, he also said the grip in Todd's right arm (the one having the most problems) had increased 200%, I think. I was so happy I wanted to scream and run a marathon or two. It was really nice to see Dan as well.

Of course, my over-protective Elders teased me about having a boyfriend for the 50th time with the 50th male that I happen to talk to. They are convinced I'm in love with Elder Rueckert (I never even talk to him - he's tall and handsome and going to Las Palmas). Yesterday, I was talking to Elder Serr, who leads music for me occasionally, and Elder Tanner said later, “Are you ready to go to dinner, Hermana Serr?” Also yesterday, waiting in lunch line Elder Lavanderia Olson was walking towards me and the other Hermanas. I didn't see him but Hermana Chelson did and she gave me the “Wink Wink Nudge Nudge” sign and then I looked up and our eyes met (mine and Elder Olson’s) and I got embarrassed! A 19 year old Elder who happens to be tall, friendly and handsome and I'm on a mission. Get thee behind me, Satan!

 I met the Olson twins during the opening meeting on the first day at the MTC. They were sitting in front of us, and my friendly mom started talking to them. They were from Arizona. I saw them a lot during my time there.

Hermana Eastman and I at a doctor's appointment. She was twinning with the card she's holding.

This morning I woke up and Hermana Eastman was still in bed - She’s usually up before me, so I was puzzled. She had woken up about 5:30 as usual, took a shower and decided she was too sick, so she went back to bed. I was bummed because I wanted to go have a talk with Hermano Shadle. It was the other Hermanas p-day, so they came home from laundry and since Hermana Chelson’s ankle is sprained, Hermana Wilson and I went to go get her ice. We stopped by class to get my scriptures and Hermano Shadle mentioned our interview, so we stayed for a few minutes. He and I went into a classroom, had a prayer and then he just looked at me for a few seconds. Then he asked, “Have you had a rough week?” And I said, “Is it okay if I cry?” He said, “Is it okay if I cry with you?” I sobbed through the whole interview. I told him how frightened I was at that knife and I told him about Todd and Joseph Pack getting home [from his mission] and how I was a little homesick for that. And he just listened and encouraged and empathized and didn't make me feel stupid. Just the fact that he cared enough to notice and ask and follow up and empathize and allow me to cry and to love me! I left feeling so good. We missed afternoon class because Hermana Eastman didn't feel well and I was SAD! I love going to class and I missed it a lot. I was really bored by dinner and felt miserable. I couldn't go anywhere alone and Hermana Eastman was so sick she only wanted to sleep. Luckily, Hermanas Chelson and Wilson ditched their welfare class, so Hermana Wilson and I went to half of Roche’s evening class. That was a nice break from our “break”.

Wow, antes de mi misión, yo pensí que yo fue una persona muy allegre. Pero, en la misión, yo estoy no allegre the majority of the time. [Wow, before my mission, I thought I was a very happy person. But, in the mission, I’m not happy the majority of the time.] It’s depressing to think that I'm not as happy as I thought I was. It's something I will focus on improving in the next months/years/lifetime. This week has been especially trying for me. I have felt like I am lacking the Spirit in my scripture study. Last week was awesome! I love reading [during personal scripture study time] and was sad to have the half-hour be over with. But this week, I haven't been able to feast on the scriptures as easily as before. I have felt a craving for the Spirit and haven't felt an outpouring of it. It's depressing and frustrating to me.

Today I actually felt really good during Book of Mormon study, but then I had an unnerving experience. Let me relate. Elder Stoddard had a knife for some reason only known to the mind of Stoddard. Then he acted like he was going to cut my arm, pressing the dull side against my right arm and against his neck and was swinging it around in the air. It was really weird because I freaked out. I was seriously terrified. It was like some psychological freak out and I just wanted to run, far away, never to return. WEIRD. I think it had something to do with my right arm having been shoved through a window and having seen Psycho 2 in my childhood. It really dampened my spirit, mood, day. I shouldn't have to be influenced by others’ actions, but it was really scary. I teared up a bit, but held it in. After class, Hermano Shadle said “Tendremos una entrevista mañana?” [Can we have an interview tomorrow?] HOW SWEET! The rest of the day was alright.

Today was a very good day. Yesterday I was entirely unfocused (not entirely, but not focused, either). En la clase de la mañana, nosotros tuvimos un substitute. Se llama Hermano Leavitt. A BYU, yo juege RISK con él a la casa de Todd con Lindsay and Kim. Él fue un buen maestro. Él explicó los verbos - el perfecto y el pluscoamperfecto y direct/indirect objects a mí y yo entiendo mucho. Hermano Rushing es mi maestro favorito porque él está trabajando al MTC no para dinero, pero para enseñar el evangelio. ¡Muy focused! Entonces, yo recibí mis plans de viajar (El ambassador de España vino al MTC hoy y observed el clase de Ferre, Paul, Nimmer, Rueckert, etc.). Ojalá yo tengo una visa. Entonces, el centro de referencia fue una buena experiencia. Yo dije a las personas que quieren saber la verdad. ¡Muy animada! Pero, en la clase de la noche (con Roche), no me gusta. Él está sin el ability to focus! GRRR… I was frustrated to say the least. I’ll get over it.

[In the morning class, we had a substitute. His name is Hermano Leavitt. At BYU, I played RISK with him at Todd’s house with Lindsay and Kim. He was a good teacher. He explained verbs - perfect and past perfect and direct/indirect objects to me and I understood much. Hermano Rushing is my favorite teacher because he’s working at the MTC, not for the money, but to teach the gospel. Very focused! Then, I received my travel plans. (The ambassador from Spain came to the MTC and observed the class of Elders Ferre, Paul, Nimmer, Rueckert, etc.) Hopefully, I will get a visa. Then, the Referral Center was a good experience. I talked to people who wanted to know the truth. Very exciting! But, in the evening class (with Hno. Roche), I didn’t like it. He lacks the ability to focus.]

Tonight Elder Wirthlin and his wife came to speak to us. Sister Wirthlin spoke about making each day special and giving 100%. Elder Wirthlin spoke about 100% diligence - two things I could definitely improve on. I sang in the MTC choir “Our Savior’s Love” ¡Me gusta mucho! A very nice arrangement.

I was in the MTC at the same time as my cousin Brad Borden. He served a mission in Russia Yekaterinberg. He and his companion were shot during a mugging and his companion died.

Tonight, we had to evacuate our building for an hour because we smelled smoke. Elder Seely tried to start a rumor that it was a bomb threat, but it was either, a. a fire from outside the MTC just getting into our vents and stinking up our classrooms, or b. a small electrical fire. They never told us. It was slightly unfocusing to watch the cars, people pass by, leading normal lives. I am so happy here and glad to be a part of this great work. I know I wouldn't be happy anywhere else, but sometimes I wonder what I'm doing here and I question my level of dedication and diligence. Last week was AWESOME. I feasted on the scriptures, I was focused and calm and full of hope and this week, I feel distracted.

I haven't cried many times since I've been at the MTC. This morning, though, Elder Box and I had a stupid “tiff” over the A/C and Hermana Wilson told me repeatedly to “stop! ¡Silencio! ¡No mas!” and so I told her to can it. Later (20 minutes or so) I went to the baño to blow my naríz and Hermana Lauder (my hero substitute) passed me in the hall and asked how I was. I told her not so hot and so she asked what was up and I asked if she had time and she threw her bag down and just listened to me through my sobs - we were standing in the middle of the hallway - missionaries walking by, trying not to stare. She empathized (she’s awesome for that!) And shared her MTC experience. - She and her companion we're standing in the middle of the comedor [cafeteria] screaming at her Elders [in her district] and crying. It made me laugh. I'm much better now. Hormones are raging.

My companion and I had a great companionship inventory last night. She and I both WANT to get along, it's just hard without communication. My testimony of the importance of communication and a desire to serve has increased. We had a good p-day. We did our laundry at 5:30 a.m. When I was putting my clothes in the dryer, a girl asked me if my brother's name was Brian. Her name was Sister Shern and she is a friend of Brian and Chanda's. She was excited to meet me. She's going to Las Vegas and she was very nice.

We went to the temple in the afternoon. Awesome experience! I heard that every time you attend the temple that you should learn more symbolism. A temple presidency member told us a few weeks ago that if we don't learn every time that we're doing something wrong. Since then, my efforts have doubled to learn each time. I try to focus on one aspect of the endowment and find meanings and symbolisms for it (or just more understanding of the surface!) I still haven't felt, though, that I learn something special each time. I love going and I wish I could attend more often. I know that's the Spirit and I'm glad I feel that way and not against going, but I feel like a spiritual failure. Today, though, during the fourth sign, I felt the spirit strong and I had an aha! - I re-learned the importance of humildad [humility] when praying and pleading for the Lord to listen. Prayer is a privilege, not a right. Sitting in the celestial room afterwards, I prayed and told Heavenly Father that I felt like a spiritual failure and why wasn't I learning something and feeling a burning in the temple? All at once, my whole body felt a surge of the spirit and my eyes flowed over with tears. I realized that I had learned something very special about prayer that day. If I felt a spiritual “surge” every time I attended the temple, or every time I wanted it, I would believe Lane Richins when he told me that my brain can duplicate feelings of peace. I know the source of my peace and those times that my heart has burned are very special to me. I love the temple and I'm excited to learn more and find symbolisms for the different parts of the endowment.

Hermanas Chelson, Eastman, Wilson, and Simper walking to the temple

Today was an alright day. We had a great AM class. The gospel study review went very well. Hermano Shadle is good to bring the spirit and and he knows a lot and will discuss important things. We discussed the post-mortal life. I did really well on HSI (Habla Su Idioma) [Speak your Language]. My roommates are good at reminding me to speak Spanish. I like Hermano Shadle a lot as a teacher. We also had a large group meeting this morning about “the balanced effort.” They are stressing conversion, retention and activation and doing them SIMULTANEOUSLY. We shouted that word on command many times this morning. Personal study time was great. I'm in Alma 10-16 and I love Alma and Amulek. The stories of faith really inspire me. Afternoon class was good as well. Hermano Rushing is an awesome teacher. He commands respect and gets it. He loves us and his job and it shows. He speaks Spanish ALL THE TIME and gives me “the look” if I forget and speak English. I love it.

The referral center was not fun today. Everyone either: wasn't home, hung up on me, spoke so quiet I couldn't hear them, or didn't care to hear the most important message on Earth! I love this gospel and Jesus Christ and I know it's blessed my life. I am much more confident and full of peace knowing I have a Father in Heaven who loves me and a Savior who died for me and my sins. Even if I'm grumpy and make my companion irritated and my district annoyed Etc. I KNOW I have a loving Father in Heaven who is mindful of me and granting me courage to stay here even when I'm not living a perfect life. I feel happy and blessed to be in the MTC. I know I need to be here, but sometimes I feel very scared and insecure to teach the gospel in Spanish on a dinky island in the middle of the Atlantic. We have the same schedule as a district where 7 of the 12 Elders are going to Las Palmas. We have become friends with them and have nicknames for most of them (Elders: Big Guy, Small Guy (they’re comps), Sweater Guy, Slim (he’s not), David, Drago). Having them here makes it easy to go to Spain -- easier, I should say.

Yesterday we received our “travel plans” - NOT. --> Visa delay notices. BUT I feel good about it. I have heard of a lot of people getting their visas 3 or 4 days before their departure date and they leave on time. ¡Ojalá! [hopefully] I'm excited because I heard a rumor that Spain-bound missionaries get to go to Los Angeles to pick up their visas and they get to go to the temple and In and Out Burger. Fun.

 

I was in the MTC with Dale Rogers, a friend of Dallan's from Holbrook.

That last entry about my comp was rather harsh. We've had two companionship inventories since then and things are much better now. She still irritates me, but I've learned to ignore a lot. And we seem to go in cycles. We'll have a great inventory and be quite happy for a few days and then she'll act annoyed a day later. I wonder though, if it's just her personality and I’m misinterpreting nothing. I need to have more charity. This entry is not to be shared... I really feel like she is jealous of me. She'll never act happy if I get a letter. She never wants to hear my stories - success in Telecenter, memories, and she will frequently turn her back when I'm talking mid-sentence. I don't think I talk a lot, either. I frequently find it hard to truly love her.

Tonight's class was very bad. We laughed and joked the whole time and at least 10 pedos [passing gas] were reported. It was kind of obnoxious, but at the same time, it was fun. Hermano Roche has no idea how to keep control. The Elders don't respect him because he won't demand it. It's really beginning to bother me. I never learn anything in that class. It's a lose-lose situation - if I want to learn, I'm frustrated because they are rowdy. And if I join the fun, my comp is mad (unless it's her idea to have fun) and I don't have the spirit. I was also really tired today. If I try to study, I would fall asleep.

 Hermana Chelson threatening to pick Elder Cuddeback's nose while he was sleeping

Elder Seely wearing Hermano Roche's huge jacket

I bought a himnario [Spanish hymnbook] today. It's a mini one for $3.80. I feel good about it. I also got a whole bunch of information about Las Islas Canarias. It was very helpful. My mom sent me a package last week. She sent everything I needed - medias [pantyhose], hangers, tape, scissors, vinegar (for pleats). I have the best mom. I ask for so much and she keeps giving. I also got a great letter from my dad - SHOCK. He is so inspired. He knew everything to say. He gave some very valuable counsel about relationships with companions. He's so awesome. I'm very blessed.

Before I leave the MTC, I want to finish the Book of Mormon, and memorize DyC 4, nearly memorize the first discussion and memorize all the tenses and the irregular verb sheet. I also want to begin reading the Doctrine and Covenants.

Yesterday was P-day. ¡Que buen día! [What a good day!] The night before, Hermana Eastman and I had talked long and hard about our relationship and we both desired to have charity and love within our companionship. We want to work hard, but it's so frustrating sometimes to get along with her.

Today was a pretty good day. We went to the Referral Center for 1.5 hours. I am getting better at find out questions, “will you” questions, patience, Etc. I think it will help me a lot with my missionary work. I had a funny experience today. I got an outbound call to Florida and the lady being called wasn't at home, but I talked to the guy for about 13 minutes. his name was Willie Green and he was interested in talking with the representatives. During our conversation, he asked me if I was single and how old I was. He said he was 30 and unmarried and looking for a wife. I gave him encouragement in finding one. Then he said, “well, how about you?” I kind of started to laugh and then explain all the reasons why we couldn't get married: he's too old, I'm going to Spain, Etc. He told me I had a beautiful voice and thought that meant I was pretty also. Then he offered to fly me out to meet him. I finally let him down gently and told him he'd find a good wife out in Florida. My whole district and teacher were standing around be laughing, giving encouragement. I was blushing a lot.

Last night was culture class. Sister Allred and Brother Weight taught it. It was very informative. It helps my excitement to increase.

Yesterday I got five letters - from my mom, Jenny, Kay, Paul Hunt, and Sister Larson. Todd is doing so well. I was excited to receive it.

I was blessed with a lot of good family and friends who sent a lot of mail while on my mission. It was a gift on challenging days.

Today I got a letter from Markus. He mentioned Kellie’s phone call briefly and said he enjoyed it. HA! It probably freaked him out. (Kellie called him out of the blue and talked to him about me - She told him to “take her now or lose her forever.” She sent me a funny letter about it. His letter was sweet. He always compliments me and shares something inspiring with me.. This time he sent me a page of quotes by prophets about the temple. It was excellent. I love his encouraging letters. He’s a keeper for sure. Those were Kellie’s words, but truth is truth. There is an Elder here named Elder Flake who looks a lot like him. Every time I see him I take a double take. Weird.

My comp drives me nuts. I have a rotten attitude about it. I am sick of her double standard motherly ways. Hermana Wilson and I are getting closer, but that isn't how it's supposed to be. I almost don't want to mend our relationship because I enjoy Hermana Wilson so much. She's fun. We have more similar backgrounds, attitudes, humors. We are striving to not talk badly about them and to think of ways to be their friends. It's tough.

Overall, I'm happy and learning a lot. Spanish is coming along fine. I love my district.

Last week was Elder Tanner's birthday and all the hermanas threw him a party. We had several silly gifts - anything we could find at the MTC and a bowling set. 10 pins made out of 12 oz milk cartons filled with candy and a bowling ball made of rocks and plastic bags and film canisters. It was awesome. We made hats, put up a “feliz cumpleaños” sign and gave him 20 cupcakes for his age with fake toothpick candles. We had the party in the night class. Hermano Roche was cool.

 Elder Stoddard, me, Elder Seely by the door decorated for Elder Tanner's birthday

 We practiced bowling with items we had on hand

 Elder Tanner was a cool Elder. This is him pretending to teach class.

Last week on P day we went to the temple and did hermana Chelsea's family sealings. I had never done that before, so that was enjoyable. Most of our District was in the sealing room and overall, it was an awesome spirit and an awesome experience. I love the temple!

Today was a very hard day. The last few weeks have been good, I have felt comfortable here and happy with my situation. I still don't feel close to my companion but I've learned how to deal with her. (Be her friend, respond to her jokes, ignore her when necessary.) I am happy with her most of the time. I've learned to overlook her wanting to be right always and repeating the correct answers whether they were hers or not. That's just my irritated pride. What still has bothered me, though, is that she's constantly telling me to “Sh!” and “Stop doing (whatever)!” - mothering, basically. ¡No me gusta! But today it came to the point where I was really angry when she told me to “Sh!” OK, so I've gotten angry for a long time about that, but it hit me harder than normal. Then, Hermano Rushing had to “Sh!” me, and earlier Hermana Chelson had said a few motherly things to me, like my having a bad attitude about my Visa (P.S. it's okay if Hermana Eastman has a bad attitude.) Then I got to thinking about how I seem to make a lot of people mad/uncomfortable/annoyed and it HURT! I was teary-eyed through the second half of class and felt upset for all of it. I hate that teeter-totter emotion feeling. I don't have it often and I despise when I do. Another thing that bothers me is how “chummy” Hermanas Eastman and Chelson have become. Hermana Wilson and I have gotten closer because of it, but it isn't appropriate. Although I enjoy Hermana Wilson more, so es bueno. But companionships are a mission rule, so I need to learn to love her. Hermana Wilson is really hurt by Hermana Chelson ignoring her and has been confiding in me a lot.

Hermana Wilson and I in front of the temple

Another week has flown by! I am very happy and much more focused today than the past week. I am not thinking about Markus or Todd and my comp and I are getting along very well. I'm such a grump with PMS. We ARE different, but that's no reason to hate one another. We went to el templo ayer & yo veo Amber Brewer. Ella fue en nuestra sesión de templo. En el cuarto de celestial, ella y yo hablamos por una media hora (approximately). [We went to the temple yesterday and I saw Amber Brewer (a BYU roommate). She was in our Temple session. In the celestial room she and I spoke for about half an hour.] I was so frustrated and angry and lonely and homesick (world-sick), and she let me cry and she gave me reassurance and support and love and advice. She said I could pray for charity and happiness. She has experienced the same things as I have/am. It was nice to talk to someone who is a pre-mission amiga and I could be my pre-mission happy self and release all the anger, resentment and tension through tears. My compañera was muy paciencia and esperó para mi. Entonces, Sis. Brewer and our comps walked a la MTC junto. Since then, I have been 100 times happier and our relationship is muy magnifico.

Last night, Hermana Eastman and Chelsea were talking on the bed/floor below me about their home lives. It was almost frightening to hear how rotten they were raised. Hermana Chelson doesn't remember EVER having anyone home when she got home from school and they both never had FHE or family prayer. Hermana Chelson's father (from what I gathered) cheated on her mother and was arrested for stalking a girl and used to come home in the middle of the night. They were very poor and her parents right now live with her sister. She has awful memories of childhood and dreads going home. Hermana Eastman's father is an alcoholic. She gets up 10 times or so tonight for el baño, falling out of bed, requiring her mom to get up and help him. He frequently makes a mess that her mom has to clean up. Her mom is now diluting his alcohol with water. He was not very supportive and is not a role model for her. Both of their siblings have been very rebellious and not good friends with each other. It makes me feel very grateful for the family that I have and for their righteousness.

Hermana Eastman and I in the middle. I can't remember who the other sisters are.

Today is a great day so far. Class this morning was fun and I somewhat felt the spirit. The last few days have been tough. I haven't felt particularly sensitive to the spirit for several reasons. One that is I am thinking about the “outside world I left behind.” I got a letter from Markus the other day. Very supportive and fun-loving. Then he went and sent me a valentine - an envelope with candy hearts and a note: “To Laura Love Markus Happy Valentines Day.” Talk about blowing my focus. What a pain. I wish he'd just get married or something... I got a letter from Kellie (Johnson) today encouraging me to tell him “Take me now or lose me forever.”

Another reason for my lack of the Spirit is this companionship business. I am feeling claustrophobic and prideful. I have had very prideful, hateful feelings and nonverbal cues toward Hermana Eastman. We are very different, but it's my pride keeping me from enjoying the potential friendship. Today has been TONS better. Occasionally, I feel like screaming.

There were a few days that I couldn't get my mind off Todd. I was very concerned and confused about why I was so concerned. I guess no news is good news. I wrote him the other day, so hopefully I'll hear back from him soon (or his family). I love Todd so much. He has been such a great friend to me and having him be in his situation tears me apart. I wish we could have had a more appropriate goodbye. I want to see him before I leave more than anything.

The language is coming along fine so far. I enjoy las lecciones de Español muy mucho (the Spanish lessons very much). I also like the gospel study and scripture sharing. My district has been somewhat out of control lately. We are joking and laughing more than we're serious too often. It bothers my roommates and companion more than it bothers me. I just don't like the vulgarity. These Elders come up with some crazy ways of expressing themselves. Elder Daniels bore a powerful testimony this morning. We were sharing personal scriptures and he shared Alma 26:27 “Now when our hearts were depressed, and we were about to turn back, behold, the Lord comforted us, and said: go amongst thy brethren, the Lamanites and bear with patience thine afflictions, and I will give unto you success.” (see also vs. 30)

He said it has special application for he and his roommates and the elders, but the Hermanas all agreed that it applied to us BIG TIME. He has such a strong testimony and he shares it daily, almost. I have a great deal of respect for him.

 Our district

 Elder Tanner. I think I was on my knees, or he was on a stool. He was our district leader.

 Keith Borrowman was a BYU friend and worked at the MTC. It was fun to run into him there.

 The Hermanas