Two Months at the MTC

There are ten whole days until I leave for Spain. I'm excited and scared and happy and sad. I will miss my teachers and district like crazy. I like the comfort of being in a familiar place with people I know. Just thinking about Spain gets me excited. I'm not excited for the first few months of adjustment, though. I know it will be hard and I'm trying to brace myself for that, but I just want to love it immediately and enjoy myself 100% for the next 16 months. I'm aware of the change that I've seen in myself and other district members the last 2 months, and I know it's because it was hard that we were able to learn, but I hate hard things. They scare me. I need to adjust my attitude so that I feel excited by a challenge, but I'm not right now. I'm scared. My Sharing the Gospel teacher (Brother Bott-BYU) told us that when we're discouraged to write an upbeat letter to someone and then save it and read it. Well, I'm not discouraged today, but I'm in the mood to write, so I'll write one to myself now and see if I like it in a few months.

Dear Hermana Simper:
What an experience it's been so far. I've only been in the MTC for 2 months and I've learned so much! I’ve felt almost every emotion: excitement, uncertainty, fear, doubt, depression, hope, the Spirit, reassurance, loneliness, frustration, love, pride, peace, happy, content, failure, success, boredom, energy, enthusiasm, understanding, friendship, sympathy, faith, missionary highs and lows. When I've had hard times, it's helped me to say to myself, “These are temporary and normal feelings I'm having. Do I feel this way because I've offended God, or is this a test to help me grow?” If I'm sincerely striving for the companionship of the Holy Ghost, I need to look the challenge in the eye and challenge it to a duel. Then with all sincerity and humility, pray and ask Heavenly Father to give me strength to get through the afflictions I'm experiencing. (Alma 31:31, 17:11, 26:27) Alma 31:31 talks about asking God to grant you strength to bear afflictions and 26:27 talks about how it's tempting to turn back and quit. I have felt as if my afflictions and depression would never end and I wanted to quit many, many times. I think I spent the first 3-5 weeks trying to figure out how to get out of this place. I truly hated it here. But I can honestly say now that I love the MTC and have learned so much that I never could have learned if I hadn't come. I would feel cheated if for some reason I couldn't go on my mission at this point. I want to serve with all my heart and I want to come home with honor, unashamed, having fought a good fight.

 It snowed while I was at the MTC. This was a P-day, on the way back from starting laundry.

 This guy worked in the cafeteria. We called him the cafeteria Nazi because he would demand your order long before you got to the front of the line, helping the food lines go quickly.

 This was another friend from BYU, but I can't remember his name.

Today we went to the temple. It was a sign language session. It was kind of cool, because I learned a little about how they handle special circumstances in the temple. There was also a man who was in a wheelchair in our session, so I saw more of how they handle things. But I wouldn't choose to have ASL sessions again, because I found myself rather distracted by all the extra stuff. It became apparent to me how the Lord works with disabilities, to a small degree. He loves all and wants everyone to enjoy the blessings of the temple. You do whatever you can with your best effort and you'll be blessed.

I asked my mom to buy scriptures for Hermana Eastman and they were received today. She was surprised and grateful and confused. It was pretty cool.

Hermana Eastman and I in the field between the temple and the MTC.

Funny story first: the Elders all have a joke where they take a wet paper towel and throw it up at the ceiling so it sticks and then it falls on someone on the toilet. We all thought they were so silly until the other day I threw one in Hermana Chelson's shower, but it missed and hit the bar and just hung. Tonight, Hermana Chelson threw one into Hermana Eastman's baño - successful aim - Yahoo! The things you do for fun at the MTC.

 Elder Stoddard, Elder Tanner, Hermano Roche, and the Elder I can't remember his name

The first five or so weeks at the MTC, my eyes were completely dry. I had emotions high and low, but my tear factories were un-used, un-involved, Etc. But in the last 4 days: Saturday, I cried because I was so frustrated and homesick and unfocused - in mi entrevista con Hermano Shadle. Monday, I cried to Dan Stevenson because I was so happy about Todd. Tonight, (Tuesday) we had district meeting after a great devotional by John B. Dickson of the 1st Quorum of the Seventy. We started the meeting just normal with DyC 4, business, Etc. We talked about the devotional and Elder Tanner asked us a few questions about what it meant to be missionaries. And he said something about how we pray to our Father in Heaven in Jesus Christ's name, but we never talk directly to Jesus Christ. Then he said we had 15 minutes to write a letter to our elder brother Jesus Christ. Truthfully, I thought it was somewhat cheesy at first and I thought it would be really easy to whip out a letter. I tried to imagine how I would really feel if Jesus Christ were in my presence and what I would say to Him. It was so hard! I felt so humbled and unworthy to have any association with this man. Words to hymns kept coming to my mind “Praise God, from whom all blessings flow” and “Come, thou fount of every blessing.” At the devotional, I sang in the choir and we sang that hymn. At the end, it says “here’s my heart, Lord, take and seal it. Seal it for the courts above.” I wrote that line in my letter, I was really touched by it. Others in my district were crying and I joined them. Then we bore our testimonies about the Savior and sang “I Need Thee Every Hour.” It was a very emotional and powerful experience for our district.

Hermana Eastman is still feeling poorly, but she felt well enough to go to class. We got there late because we went to get her a doctor's appointment. I had only been there maybe 15 to 20 minutes when Dan Stevenson came in and asked Hermano Shadle if he could talk to me. I was a bit nervous if it would be happy or sad news, but Dan was smiling, so I felt more calm. He asked how I was doing and then told me he had been to see Todd and that Todd was talking and starting to walk and he gets to come home from the hospital on April 3rd. When he started telling me these things, I just started crying - surprise, surprise - Welcome to Hermana Emotional’s life. I was elated to hear about Todd. But the main reason he came was to find out my flight info - so that Todd can come to the airport - yahoo! Then he told me to try and focus (ha!) and left. Oh, he also said the grip in Todd's right arm (the one having the most problems) had increased 200%, I think. I was so happy I wanted to scream and run a marathon or two. It was really nice to see Dan as well.

Of course, my over-protective Elders teased me about having a boyfriend for the 50th time with the 50th male that I happen to talk to. They are convinced I'm in love with Elder Rueckert (I never even talk to him - he's tall and handsome and going to Las Palmas). Yesterday, I was talking to Elder Serr, who leads music for me occasionally, and Elder Tanner said later, “Are you ready to go to dinner, Hermana Serr?” Also yesterday, waiting in lunch line Elder Lavanderia Olson was walking towards me and the other Hermanas. I didn't see him but Hermana Chelson did and she gave me the “Wink Wink Nudge Nudge” sign and then I looked up and our eyes met (mine and Elder Olson’s) and I got embarrassed! A 19 year old Elder who happens to be tall, friendly and handsome and I'm on a mission. Get thee behind me, Satan!

 I met the Olson twins during the opening meeting on the first day at the MTC. They were sitting in front of us, and my friendly mom started talking to them. They were from Arizona. I saw them a lot during my time there.

Hermana Eastman and I at a doctor's appointment. She was twinning with the card she's holding.

This morning I woke up and Hermana Eastman was still in bed - She’s usually up before me, so I was puzzled. She had woken up about 5:30 as usual, took a shower and decided she was too sick, so she went back to bed. I was bummed because I wanted to go have a talk with Hermano Shadle. It was the other Hermanas p-day, so they came home from laundry and since Hermana Chelson’s ankle is sprained, Hermana Wilson and I went to go get her ice. We stopped by class to get my scriptures and Hermano Shadle mentioned our interview, so we stayed for a few minutes. He and I went into a classroom, had a prayer and then he just looked at me for a few seconds. Then he asked, “Have you had a rough week?” And I said, “Is it okay if I cry?” He said, “Is it okay if I cry with you?” I sobbed through the whole interview. I told him how frightened I was at that knife and I told him about Todd and Joseph Pack getting home [from his mission] and how I was a little homesick for that. And he just listened and encouraged and empathized and didn't make me feel stupid. Just the fact that he cared enough to notice and ask and follow up and empathize and allow me to cry and to love me! I left feeling so good. We missed afternoon class because Hermana Eastman didn't feel well and I was SAD! I love going to class and I missed it a lot. I was really bored by dinner and felt miserable. I couldn't go anywhere alone and Hermana Eastman was so sick she only wanted to sleep. Luckily, Hermanas Chelson and Wilson ditched their welfare class, so Hermana Wilson and I went to half of Roche’s evening class. That was a nice break from our “break”.

Wow, antes de mi misión, yo pensí que yo fue una persona muy allegre. Pero, en la misión, yo estoy no allegre the majority of the time. [Wow, before my mission, I thought I was a very happy person. But, in the mission, I’m not happy the majority of the time.] It’s depressing to think that I'm not as happy as I thought I was. It's something I will focus on improving in the next months/years/lifetime. This week has been especially trying for me. I have felt like I am lacking the Spirit in my scripture study. Last week was awesome! I love reading [during personal scripture study time] and was sad to have the half-hour be over with. But this week, I haven't been able to feast on the scriptures as easily as before. I have felt a craving for the Spirit and haven't felt an outpouring of it. It's depressing and frustrating to me.

Today I actually felt really good during Book of Mormon study, but then I had an unnerving experience. Let me relate. Elder Stoddard had a knife for some reason only known to the mind of Stoddard. Then he acted like he was going to cut my arm, pressing the dull side against my right arm and against his neck and was swinging it around in the air. It was really weird because I freaked out. I was seriously terrified. It was like some psychological freak out and I just wanted to run, far away, never to return. WEIRD. I think it had something to do with my right arm having been shoved through a window and having seen Psycho 2 in my childhood. It really dampened my spirit, mood, day. I shouldn't have to be influenced by others’ actions, but it was really scary. I teared up a bit, but held it in. After class, Hermano Shadle said “Tendremos una entrevista mañana?” [Can we have an interview tomorrow?] HOW SWEET! The rest of the day was alright.

Today was a very good day. Yesterday I was entirely unfocused (not entirely, but not focused, either). En la clase de la mañana, nosotros tuvimos un substitute. Se llama Hermano Leavitt. A BYU, yo juege RISK con él a la casa de Todd con Lindsay and Kim. Él fue un buen maestro. Él explicó los verbos - el perfecto y el pluscoamperfecto y direct/indirect objects a mí y yo entiendo mucho. Hermano Rushing es mi maestro favorito porque él está trabajando al MTC no para dinero, pero para enseñar el evangelio. ¡Muy focused! Entonces, yo recibí mis plans de viajar (El ambassador de España vino al MTC hoy y observed el clase de Ferre, Paul, Nimmer, Rueckert, etc.). Ojalá yo tengo una visa. Entonces, el centro de referencia fue una buena experiencia. Yo dije a las personas que quieren saber la verdad. ¡Muy animada! Pero, en la clase de la noche (con Roche), no me gusta. Él está sin el ability to focus! GRRR… I was frustrated to say the least. I’ll get over it.

[In the morning class, we had a substitute. His name is Hermano Leavitt. At BYU, I played RISK with him at Todd’s house with Lindsay and Kim. He was a good teacher. He explained verbs - perfect and past perfect and direct/indirect objects to me and I understood much. Hermano Rushing is my favorite teacher because he’s working at the MTC, not for the money, but to teach the gospel. Very focused! Then, I received my travel plans. (The ambassador from Spain came to the MTC and observed the class of Elders Ferre, Paul, Nimmer, Rueckert, etc.) Hopefully, I will get a visa. Then, the Referral Center was a good experience. I talked to people who wanted to know the truth. Very exciting! But, in the evening class (with Hno. Roche), I didn’t like it. He lacks the ability to focus.]

Tonight Elder Wirthlin and his wife came to speak to us. Sister Wirthlin spoke about making each day special and giving 100%. Elder Wirthlin spoke about 100% diligence - two things I could definitely improve on. I sang in the MTC choir “Our Savior’s Love” ¡Me gusta mucho! A very nice arrangement.

I was in the MTC at the same time as my cousin Brad Borden. He served a mission in Russia Yekaterinberg. He and his companion were shot during a mugging and his companion died.

Tonight, we had to evacuate our building for an hour because we smelled smoke. Elder Seely tried to start a rumor that it was a bomb threat, but it was either, a. a fire from outside the MTC just getting into our vents and stinking up our classrooms, or b. a small electrical fire. They never told us. It was slightly unfocusing to watch the cars, people pass by, leading normal lives. I am so happy here and glad to be a part of this great work. I know I wouldn't be happy anywhere else, but sometimes I wonder what I'm doing here and I question my level of dedication and diligence. Last week was AWESOME. I feasted on the scriptures, I was focused and calm and full of hope and this week, I feel distracted.

I haven't cried many times since I've been at the MTC. This morning, though, Elder Box and I had a stupid “tiff” over the A/C and Hermana Wilson told me repeatedly to “stop! ¡Silencio! ¡No mas!” and so I told her to can it. Later (20 minutes or so) I went to the baño to blow my naríz and Hermana Lauder (my hero substitute) passed me in the hall and asked how I was. I told her not so hot and so she asked what was up and I asked if she had time and she threw her bag down and just listened to me through my sobs - we were standing in the middle of the hallway - missionaries walking by, trying not to stare. She empathized (she’s awesome for that!) And shared her MTC experience. - She and her companion we're standing in the middle of the comedor [cafeteria] screaming at her Elders [in her district] and crying. It made me laugh. I'm much better now. Hormones are raging.

My companion and I had a great companionship inventory last night. She and I both WANT to get along, it's just hard without communication. My testimony of the importance of communication and a desire to serve has increased. We had a good p-day. We did our laundry at 5:30 a.m. When I was putting my clothes in the dryer, a girl asked me if my brother's name was Brian. Her name was Sister Shern and she is a friend of Brian and Chanda's. She was excited to meet me. She's going to Las Vegas and she was very nice.

We went to the temple in the afternoon. Awesome experience! I heard that every time you attend the temple that you should learn more symbolism. A temple presidency member told us a few weeks ago that if we don't learn every time that we're doing something wrong. Since then, my efforts have doubled to learn each time. I try to focus on one aspect of the endowment and find meanings and symbolisms for it (or just more understanding of the surface!) I still haven't felt, though, that I learn something special each time. I love going and I wish I could attend more often. I know that's the Spirit and I'm glad I feel that way and not against going, but I feel like a spiritual failure. Today, though, during the fourth sign, I felt the spirit strong and I had an aha! - I re-learned the importance of humildad [humility] when praying and pleading for the Lord to listen. Prayer is a privilege, not a right. Sitting in the celestial room afterwards, I prayed and told Heavenly Father that I felt like a spiritual failure and why wasn't I learning something and feeling a burning in the temple? All at once, my whole body felt a surge of the spirit and my eyes flowed over with tears. I realized that I had learned something very special about prayer that day. If I felt a spiritual “surge” every time I attended the temple, or every time I wanted it, I would believe Lane Richins when he told me that my brain can duplicate feelings of peace. I know the source of my peace and those times that my heart has burned are very special to me. I love the temple and I'm excited to learn more and find symbolisms for the different parts of the endowment.

Hermanas Chelson, Eastman, Wilson, and Simper walking to the temple

Today was an alright day. We had a great AM class. The gospel study review went very well. Hermano Shadle is good to bring the spirit and and he knows a lot and will discuss important things. We discussed the post-mortal life. I did really well on HSI (Habla Su Idioma) [Speak your Language]. My roommates are good at reminding me to speak Spanish. I like Hermano Shadle a lot as a teacher. We also had a large group meeting this morning about “the balanced effort.” They are stressing conversion, retention and activation and doing them SIMULTANEOUSLY. We shouted that word on command many times this morning. Personal study time was great. I'm in Alma 10-16 and I love Alma and Amulek. The stories of faith really inspire me. Afternoon class was good as well. Hermano Rushing is an awesome teacher. He commands respect and gets it. He loves us and his job and it shows. He speaks Spanish ALL THE TIME and gives me “the look” if I forget and speak English. I love it.

The referral center was not fun today. Everyone either: wasn't home, hung up on me, spoke so quiet I couldn't hear them, or didn't care to hear the most important message on Earth! I love this gospel and Jesus Christ and I know it's blessed my life. I am much more confident and full of peace knowing I have a Father in Heaven who loves me and a Savior who died for me and my sins. Even if I'm grumpy and make my companion irritated and my district annoyed Etc. I KNOW I have a loving Father in Heaven who is mindful of me and granting me courage to stay here even when I'm not living a perfect life. I feel happy and blessed to be in the MTC. I know I need to be here, but sometimes I feel very scared and insecure to teach the gospel in Spanish on a dinky island in the middle of the Atlantic. We have the same schedule as a district where 7 of the 12 Elders are going to Las Palmas. We have become friends with them and have nicknames for most of them (Elders: Big Guy, Small Guy (they’re comps), Sweater Guy, Slim (he’s not), David, Drago). Having them here makes it easy to go to Spain -- easier, I should say.

Yesterday we received our “travel plans” - NOT. --> Visa delay notices. BUT I feel good about it. I have heard of a lot of people getting their visas 3 or 4 days before their departure date and they leave on time. ¡Ojalá! [hopefully] I'm excited because I heard a rumor that Spain-bound missionaries get to go to Los Angeles to pick up their visas and they get to go to the temple and In and Out Burger. Fun.

 

I was in the MTC with Dale Rogers, a friend of Dallan's from Holbrook.

That last entry about my comp was rather harsh. We've had two companionship inventories since then and things are much better now. She still irritates me, but I've learned to ignore a lot. And we seem to go in cycles. We'll have a great inventory and be quite happy for a few days and then she'll act annoyed a day later. I wonder though, if it's just her personality and I’m misinterpreting nothing. I need to have more charity. This entry is not to be shared... I really feel like she is jealous of me. She'll never act happy if I get a letter. She never wants to hear my stories - success in Telecenter, memories, and she will frequently turn her back when I'm talking mid-sentence. I don't think I talk a lot, either. I frequently find it hard to truly love her.

Tonight's class was very bad. We laughed and joked the whole time and at least 10 pedos [passing gas] were reported. It was kind of obnoxious, but at the same time, it was fun. Hermano Roche has no idea how to keep control. The Elders don't respect him because he won't demand it. It's really beginning to bother me. I never learn anything in that class. It's a lose-lose situation - if I want to learn, I'm frustrated because they are rowdy. And if I join the fun, my comp is mad (unless it's her idea to have fun) and I don't have the spirit. I was also really tired today. If I try to study, I would fall asleep.

 Hermana Chelson threatening to pick Elder Cuddeback's nose while he was sleeping

Elder Seely wearing Hermano Roche's huge jacket

I bought a himnario [Spanish hymnbook] today. It's a mini one for $3.80. I feel good about it. I also got a whole bunch of information about Las Islas Canarias. It was very helpful. My mom sent me a package last week. She sent everything I needed - medias [pantyhose], hangers, tape, scissors, vinegar (for pleats). I have the best mom. I ask for so much and she keeps giving. I also got a great letter from my dad - SHOCK. He is so inspired. He knew everything to say. He gave some very valuable counsel about relationships with companions. He's so awesome. I'm very blessed.

Before I leave the MTC, I want to finish the Book of Mormon, and memorize DyC 4, nearly memorize the first discussion and memorize all the tenses and the irregular verb sheet. I also want to begin reading the Doctrine and Covenants.

Yesterday was P-day. ¡Que buen día! [What a good day!] The night before, Hermana Eastman and I had talked long and hard about our relationship and we both desired to have charity and love within our companionship. We want to work hard, but it's so frustrating sometimes to get along with her.

Today was a pretty good day. We went to the Referral Center for 1.5 hours. I am getting better at find out questions, “will you” questions, patience, Etc. I think it will help me a lot with my missionary work. I had a funny experience today. I got an outbound call to Florida and the lady being called wasn't at home, but I talked to the guy for about 13 minutes. his name was Willie Green and he was interested in talking with the representatives. During our conversation, he asked me if I was single and how old I was. He said he was 30 and unmarried and looking for a wife. I gave him encouragement in finding one. Then he said, “well, how about you?” I kind of started to laugh and then explain all the reasons why we couldn't get married: he's too old, I'm going to Spain, Etc. He told me I had a beautiful voice and thought that meant I was pretty also. Then he offered to fly me out to meet him. I finally let him down gently and told him he'd find a good wife out in Florida. My whole district and teacher were standing around be laughing, giving encouragement. I was blushing a lot.

Last night was culture class. Sister Allred and Brother Weight taught it. It was very informative. It helps my excitement to increase.

Yesterday I got five letters - from my mom, Jenny, Kay, Paul Hunt, and Sister Larson. Todd is doing so well. I was excited to receive it.

I was blessed with a lot of good family and friends who sent a lot of mail while on my mission. It was a gift on challenging days.

Today I got a letter from Markus. He mentioned Kellie’s phone call briefly and said he enjoyed it. HA! It probably freaked him out. (Kellie called him out of the blue and talked to him about me - She told him to “take her now or lose her forever.” She sent me a funny letter about it. His letter was sweet. He always compliments me and shares something inspiring with me.. This time he sent me a page of quotes by prophets about the temple. It was excellent. I love his encouraging letters. He’s a keeper for sure. Those were Kellie’s words, but truth is truth. There is an Elder here named Elder Flake who looks a lot like him. Every time I see him I take a double take. Weird.

My comp drives me nuts. I have a rotten attitude about it. I am sick of her double standard motherly ways. Hermana Wilson and I are getting closer, but that isn't how it's supposed to be. I almost don't want to mend our relationship because I enjoy Hermana Wilson so much. She's fun. We have more similar backgrounds, attitudes, humors. We are striving to not talk badly about them and to think of ways to be their friends. It's tough.

Overall, I'm happy and learning a lot. Spanish is coming along fine. I love my district.

Last week was Elder Tanner's birthday and all the hermanas threw him a party. We had several silly gifts - anything we could find at the MTC and a bowling set. 10 pins made out of 12 oz milk cartons filled with candy and a bowling ball made of rocks and plastic bags and film canisters. It was awesome. We made hats, put up a “feliz cumpleaños” sign and gave him 20 cupcakes for his age with fake toothpick candles. We had the party in the night class. Hermano Roche was cool.

 Elder Stoddard, me, Elder Seely by the door decorated for Elder Tanner's birthday

 We practiced bowling with items we had on hand

 Elder Tanner was a cool Elder. This is him pretending to teach class.

Last week on P day we went to the temple and did hermana Chelsea's family sealings. I had never done that before, so that was enjoyable. Most of our District was in the sealing room and overall, it was an awesome spirit and an awesome experience. I love the temple!