Two Months at the MTC

There are ten whole days until I leave for Spain. I'm excited and scared and happy and sad. I will miss my teachers and district like crazy. I like the comfort of being in a familiar place with people I know. Just thinking about Spain gets me excited. I'm not excited for the first few months of adjustment, though. I know it will be hard and I'm trying to brace myself for that, but I just want to love it immediately and enjoy myself 100% for the next 16 months. I'm aware of the change that I've seen in myself and other district members the last 2 months, and I know it's because it was hard that we were able to learn, but I hate hard things. They scare me. I need to adjust my attitude so that I feel excited by a challenge, but I'm not right now. I'm scared. My Sharing the Gospel teacher (Brother Bott-BYU) told us that when we're discouraged to write an upbeat letter to someone and then save it and read it. Well, I'm not discouraged today, but I'm in the mood to write, so I'll write one to myself now and see if I like it in a few months.

Dear Hermana Simper:
What an experience it's been so far. I've only been in the MTC for 2 months and I've learned so much! I’ve felt almost every emotion: excitement, uncertainty, fear, doubt, depression, hope, the Spirit, reassurance, loneliness, frustration, love, pride, peace, happy, content, failure, success, boredom, energy, enthusiasm, understanding, friendship, sympathy, faith, missionary highs and lows. When I've had hard times, it's helped me to say to myself, “These are temporary and normal feelings I'm having. Do I feel this way because I've offended God, or is this a test to help me grow?” If I'm sincerely striving for the companionship of the Holy Ghost, I need to look the challenge in the eye and challenge it to a duel. Then with all sincerity and humility, pray and ask Heavenly Father to give me strength to get through the afflictions I'm experiencing. (Alma 31:31, 17:11, 26:27) Alma 31:31 talks about asking God to grant you strength to bear afflictions and 26:27 talks about how it's tempting to turn back and quit. I have felt as if my afflictions and depression would never end and I wanted to quit many, many times. I think I spent the first 3-5 weeks trying to figure out how to get out of this place. I truly hated it here. But I can honestly say now that I love the MTC and have learned so much that I never could have learned if I hadn't come. I would feel cheated if for some reason I couldn't go on my mission at this point. I want to serve with all my heart and I want to come home with honor, unashamed, having fought a good fight.

 It snowed while I was at the MTC. This was a P-day, on the way back from starting laundry.

 This guy worked in the cafeteria. We called him the cafeteria Nazi because he would demand your order long before you got to the front of the line, helping the food lines go quickly.

 This was another friend from BYU, but I can't remember his name.