Today was a very hard day. The last few weeks have been good, I have felt comfortable here and happy with my situation. I still don't feel close to my companion but I've learned how to deal with her. (Be her friend, respond to her jokes, ignore her when necessary.) I am happy with her most of the time. I've learned to overlook her wanting to be right always and repeating the correct answers whether they were hers or not. That's just my irritated pride. What still has bothered me, though, is that she's constantly telling me to “Sh!” and “Stop doing (whatever)!” - mothering, basically. ¡No me gusta! But today it came to the point where I was really angry when she told me to “Sh!” OK, so I've gotten angry for a long time about that, but it hit me harder than normal. Then, Hermano Rushing had to “Sh!” me, and earlier Hermana Chelson had said a few motherly things to me, like my having a bad attitude about my Visa (P.S. it's okay if Hermana Eastman has a bad attitude.) Then I got to thinking about how I seem to make a lot of people mad/uncomfortable/annoyed and it HURT! I was teary-eyed through the second half of class and felt upset for all of it. I hate that teeter-totter emotion feeling. I don't have it often and I despise when I do. Another thing that bothers me is how “chummy” Hermanas Eastman and Chelson have become. Hermana Wilson and I have gotten closer because of it, but it isn't appropriate. Although I enjoy Hermana Wilson more, so es bueno. But companionships are a mission rule, so I need to learn to love her. Hermana Wilson is really hurt by Hermana Chelson ignoring her and has been confiding in me a lot.

Hermana Wilson and I in front of the temple

Another week has flown by! I am very happy and much more focused today than the past week. I am not thinking about Markus or Todd and my comp and I are getting along very well. I'm such a grump with PMS. We ARE different, but that's no reason to hate one another. We went to el templo ayer & yo veo Amber Brewer. Ella fue en nuestra sesión de templo. En el cuarto de celestial, ella y yo hablamos por una media hora (approximately). [We went to the temple yesterday and I saw Amber Brewer (a BYU roommate). She was in our Temple session. In the celestial room she and I spoke for about half an hour.] I was so frustrated and angry and lonely and homesick (world-sick), and she let me cry and she gave me reassurance and support and love and advice. She said I could pray for charity and happiness. She has experienced the same things as I have/am. It was nice to talk to someone who is a pre-mission amiga and I could be my pre-mission happy self and release all the anger, resentment and tension through tears. My compañera was muy paciencia and esperó para mi. Entonces, Sis. Brewer and our comps walked a la MTC junto. Since then, I have been 100 times happier and our relationship is muy magnifico.

Last night, Hermana Eastman and Chelsea were talking on the bed/floor below me about their home lives. It was almost frightening to hear how rotten they were raised. Hermana Chelson doesn't remember EVER having anyone home when she got home from school and they both never had FHE or family prayer. Hermana Chelson's father (from what I gathered) cheated on her mother and was arrested for stalking a girl and used to come home in the middle of the night. They were very poor and her parents right now live with her sister. She has awful memories of childhood and dreads going home. Hermana Eastman's father is an alcoholic. She gets up 10 times or so tonight for el baño, falling out of bed, requiring her mom to get up and help him. He frequently makes a mess that her mom has to clean up. Her mom is now diluting his alcohol with water. He was not very supportive and is not a role model for her. Both of their siblings have been very rebellious and not good friends with each other. It makes me feel very grateful for the family that I have and for their righteousness.

Hermana Eastman and I in the middle. I can't remember who the other sisters are.

Today is a great day so far. Class this morning was fun and I somewhat felt the spirit. The last few days have been tough. I haven't felt particularly sensitive to the spirit for several reasons. One that is I am thinking about the “outside world I left behind.” I got a letter from Markus the other day. Very supportive and fun-loving. Then he went and sent me a valentine - an envelope with candy hearts and a note: “To Laura Love Markus Happy Valentines Day.” Talk about blowing my focus. What a pain. I wish he'd just get married or something... I got a letter from Kellie (Johnson) today encouraging me to tell him “Take me now or lose me forever.”

Another reason for my lack of the Spirit is this companionship business. I am feeling claustrophobic and prideful. I have had very prideful, hateful feelings and nonverbal cues toward Hermana Eastman. We are very different, but it's my pride keeping me from enjoying the potential friendship. Today has been TONS better. Occasionally, I feel like screaming.

There were a few days that I couldn't get my mind off Todd. I was very concerned and confused about why I was so concerned. I guess no news is good news. I wrote him the other day, so hopefully I'll hear back from him soon (or his family). I love Todd so much. He has been such a great friend to me and having him be in his situation tears me apart. I wish we could have had a more appropriate goodbye. I want to see him before I leave more than anything.

The language is coming along fine so far. I enjoy las lecciones de Español muy mucho (the Spanish lessons very much). I also like the gospel study and scripture sharing. My district has been somewhat out of control lately. We are joking and laughing more than we're serious too often. It bothers my roommates and companion more than it bothers me. I just don't like the vulgarity. These Elders come up with some crazy ways of expressing themselves. Elder Daniels bore a powerful testimony this morning. We were sharing personal scriptures and he shared Alma 26:27 “Now when our hearts were depressed, and we were about to turn back, behold, the Lord comforted us, and said: go amongst thy brethren, the Lamanites and bear with patience thine afflictions, and I will give unto you success.” (see also vs. 30)

He said it has special application for he and his roommates and the elders, but the Hermanas all agreed that it applied to us BIG TIME. He has such a strong testimony and he shares it daily, almost. I have a great deal of respect for him.

 Our district

 Elder Tanner. I think I was on my knees, or he was on a stool. He was our district leader.

 Keith Borrowman was a BYU friend and worked at the MTC. It was fun to run into him there.

 The Hermanas

Wow - how the time flies - I am loving it here - Everyday is a different challenge and has its share of problems, but overall, I love it. I love the spirit and the classes. I do get sick of all the meetings and the sitting. Meals are too close together, but I'm happy and getting plenty of mail.

I knew a lot of people from BYU that I saw while I was in the MTC. Sadly, I don't remember the name of this girl.

Today has been especially frustrating. Class was fine, I even stayed awake, the telecenter was not fun. We got only six referrals as a district. My companion doesn't give my words any credit. To her, I know nothing. It frustrates me and I made it known by my tantrum. :) I tried to be very mature but was having difficulty controlling my thoughts, feelings, actions. I want so much to be a happy person. I have realized that I am basically happy if those around me are happy and easy to get along with, but I am too controlled by my circumstances. That's not right. I need to CHOOSE to be in control and be happy regardless. I really miss Todd. I thought about skipping the mission thing again today. I've been very happy to be here most of this week. I feel fearful for the Español that is approaching me. I am starting to know less and less and it scares me.

Happy birthday, Mom! What a good day. I stayed awake for the majority of the time and I got two referrals in the telecenter. my night class is starting to try my paciencia and my morning teacher, Ben Shadle, is handsome. My afternoon teacher is Hermano Shane Rushing and my night teacher is Eric Roche.

 Hermano Roche

 Hermano Shadle

I am beginning to feel TIRED, not just sleepy. I am staying awake in class better and getting used to everything. I am almost to the point where I can say, “I love it here.” Maybe I can even say that now. I hardly think about Markus and I'm glad I can focus. Even Todd isn't on my mind constantly. (Todd was my BYU friend in a terrible car accident right before my mission. His brother died and he almost didn’t make it.) I feel peace about the situation and pray he'll be okay.

Today we started going to the referral center. We answer phones for people calling to get free items (Book of Mormon, bible, videos, Etc.) and ask if “Church Representatives” can come share a message about Christ with them. I got four referrals in the morning, then we went back in the afternoon and we did only outbound calls, meaning the computer dials for us the number of a person who has requested free items in the past. We call to verify they received the item and then invite them to accept the missionary visit. That's all I did in the afternoon and I didn't get any referrals. As a district, we got 30 for referrals for the whole day. The current figures tell that about 30-40% of referrals accept baptism, so we baptized 10 people today!

 Elder Jacobs and I in the Referral Center

 Hermano Rushing, me, Elder Box

Sister Eastman and I had a good talk with just the two of us - she was very willing to change and appreciated some of the things I said. Unfortunately, I told her all of my peeves with her (that I mentioned above) and I should have only told her the first part. That was unfair of me. I feel badly, but if I was doing the same, I would want to be told so I could change. I dunno. I feel strongly that I was out of line to say those things. All is well, though.

Yesterday was a good day. It was my first Sunday at the MTC and we had a great day with plenty of uplifting talks and a few breaks. It was good.

Today was a different day. We had telecenter training and I am excited to do that. We start Wednesday. Then tonight, we had way too much free time and we (me and the elders) were joking, laughing and releasing stress. It felt good for me, but the other hermanas didn't like it so much. I think I really offended them. I need to be more considerate of their feelings and they need to do the same for me. We are all so different. I am feeling frustrated with Hermana Eastman lately. I am only writing this here and I don't want to say or write it in this negative way anywhere else. To me, I feel like I am not respected by her. Nothing I say seems to mean anything to her and she invalidates me constantly. I am trying to keep my attitude up. Anything anyone says, she has a story to top it. It annoys me. That's all I have to say about that. I need to be humbled and ask forgiveness for thinking so badly about her. I had a rough day in the way of pride. What a joy. I'm happy to be here and getting into the swing of things.

 Hermana Eastman and I pointing to the Canary Islands on the MTC map

 Our whole district: Elders Box, ?, Daniels, Tanner, Stoddard, Cuddeback
Elder Seely, Hermanas Eastman, Chelson, Simper, Wilson, and Elder Jacobs

 All four hermanas in our district had different Doc Martin shoes.